Seeking My Heart

I silenced it...now, will it speak?

You always see better with your heart

So I’ve been told

By wise people

Who seem to see clearly, and have heart

As a young girl, I put my heart in subservience

It wouldn’t rule me,

Wouldn’t be allowed to make me sad

I was firmly in charge, and didn’t want to feel.

Refused to be vulnerable like my mom

Who was so sad she cried often

Wailing “why me” and “I try so hard!”,

My father ridiculing her for her emotion.

Before my mid-life crisis, I strove

To conquer, amass, win in a man’s world.

I had shut away my heart so successfully

I never heard from it.

My midlife crisis awakened me through unexpected love

My heart was awakened from its slumber.

I now spend hours seeking my heart

Clearing mental chatter to hear it.

It’s a matter of trust now, I suppose

To trust what I hear; did I hear that?

My heart wants to know if I can be trusted

To listen to what it has to say.

My mind is so loud, and logical

Dismissing intuition, and matters of the heart

Urging me to “be productive”

A man-made construct to avoid being present

I don’t know much about seeing better with my heart

I do know any other way is distorted vision,

A way to cope and survive,

Afraid to fall into the abyss of feelings.